Being a socially anxious extrovert

A few years ago, I wrote about why I don’t personally find the distinction between introversion and extroversion that useful - sometimes I get a lot of energy from social situations, other times I find them very draining, and this seems to just depend a lot on the features of the situation.

I’ve been thinking about this again recently, as we’ve all had to face more restrictions on socialising than we ever imagined. It’s made me realise just how much I need social interaction to feel happy and energised. If I spend a weekend at home not seeing anyone, I end up feeling lethargic and low. It’s become clear to me that socialising is actually really important to my energy and happiness, in a way that I hadn’t quite appreciated before, and in a way that doesn’t seem to be the case for my more introverted friends.

And yet I still feel like I don’t fit the classic “extrovert” mould, because I’m also often easily overwhelmed and fatigued by too much or the wrong kind of social interaction. Here’s what I’ve realised: I think I’m a socially anxious extrovert. This sounds like an oxymoron, but I don’t think it is. I love being around other people and get a lot of my energy from social interaction, but I also easily get anxious in social situations where I’m not entirely comfortable. A quick google suggests this isn’t just me.

This has been a really helpful realisation for me. It’s helped me realise how important it is for me to have social interaction where I feel comfortable and at ease - which mostly means seeing small groups of close friends - while also allowing me to acknowledge that a lot of unfamiliar social situations do make me anxious, and that’s okay. This year has actually been surprisingly good for me socially, because there’s been way less pressure (and fewer opportunities) to go to big social events and I’ve had more space to invest in developing closer friendships with people who I feel good around.